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Saturday, February 7, 2009

Diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

This is an amazing Optical Illusion

If you continue to focus on the cross in the center of the image you will notice that ...

the circle of violet circles will soon DISAPPEAR completely .. and you will see only a green spot.

Photobucket

Truly amazing - yes?

Friendly Neighbour


Pool Sign


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

When you dial a wrong number, someone always answers.

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible spot.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire and not be able to use that excuse.

The phone rings most often when the body is immersed in water, or you are seated in the toilet.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to how far you can reach.

People with seats at the furthest from the aisle always arrive last.

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

You betcha.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Our Sink Cupboard is Ruined

We had a water leak from the Dishwasher hot water connection. The washer disintegrated when I tightened it to stop a leak. The leak stopped - I watched it for a few days and the leak had stopped. I guess the connection must have been bumped getting pots and things in and out of the cupboard. Lorna opened the cupboard on Friday and this is what she saw!





An insurance assessor is coming tomorrow morning to have a look at the sink cupboard. I think they'll probably replace the whole lot!