One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Diagnosis
This is an amazing Optical Illusion
If you continue to focus on the cross in the center of the image you will notice that ...
the circle of violet circles will soon DISAPPEAR completely .. and you will see only a green spot.
Truly amazing - yes?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
When you dial a wrong number, someone always answers.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible spot.
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire and not be able to use that excuse.
The phone rings most often when the body is immersed in water, or you are seated in the toilet.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to how far you can reach.
People with seats at the furthest from the aisle always arrive last.
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
You betcha.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Our Sink Cupboard is Ruined
We had a water leak from the Dishwasher hot water connection. The washer disintegrated when I tightened it to stop a leak. The leak stopped - I watched it for a few days and the leak had stopped. I guess the connection must have been bumped getting pots and things in and out of the cupboard. Lorna opened the cupboard on Friday and this is what she saw!
An insurance assessor is coming tomorrow morning to have a look at the sink cupboard. I think they'll probably replace the whole lot!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
What to do if you drop your mobile phone into water
Last week while I was at work I inadvertently dropped my mobile phone into some water. The water was as deep as you find in the bottom of a toilet bowl (so you have some idea of where I dropped it:() ).
I'm going to tell you what you need to do to have the greatest chance of getting your phone working again, and to prove that I know what I'm talking about, my phone is working again with no loss of functionality.
If this happens to you, there are some Do's and Don'ts:
When I told my work mates what had happened, the first question was "Have you tried it, to see if it still works?"
This is the most important Don't: Don't try to turn the phone on. If you do, I can guarantee that it will never work again!
First Do: Open the phone immediately and remove the battery and SIM card.
Second Do: Leave the back off the phone.
Third Do: Dry the battery especially the contacts.
Fourth Do: Shake out as much water from the phone as you can. And dry as much of the phone as you can with a dry soft cloth.
Fifth Do: Place the phone in a warm, dry place for it to dry out. Phones have a maximum temperature above which they shouldn't be exposed. Make sure that wherever you place the phone. it does not exceed this temperature (like out in the sun would definitely be a no-no).
Sixth Do: Wait until the phone has dried out completely. A good gauge of this will be the display panel. Any moisture in the display will cause discolouring, and/or visible moisture spots in the display panel. If there are any of these remaining - no matter how small, the phone is not dry yet.
After you have determined that the phone is dry, re-assemble it, cross your fingers and any other appendages that you may have and have the dexterity to cross, then turn on the phone. (It may be necessary to uncross some fingers to do this and that will definitely reduce the chances of your phone working, so try to do it with fingers crossed.).
(Note: The previous comment does not necessarily reflect the beliefs and/or attitudes of the author!).
If all is well, and the phone works, you can send me a thank-you email. If not, don't blame me, you dropped the bloody thing - not me!
By the way, these instructions only apply to fairly clean water. If the water has detergent or any thing else in it, you may need to thoroughly flush out the phone with clean water (preferably distilled water to be on the safe side).
Hope this works for you as well as it did for me!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A man and his young wife were in divorce court,
but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm spending more time on FaceBook these days.
Hi there. Wondering where I've been lately?
Well I'll tell ya. When I first joined Facebook, I thought it was a load of junk (I'm still tending to think that most of it is!), but there some aspects to that I like.
For instance you can control who sees your personal videos, either singularly or groups of people.
So if, for instance, you have a regular group of people that regularly get together for BBQs and you take videos of the times that you are all together, you can share your videos with this group of people, and they can all have a look at them whenever they like.
Anyway, you can find me over there. Why not come over for a chat - Oh, bye the way - that's another thing BB and BS don't have and that's a facility to just chat with your friends when they are online. And FaceBook let's you know when they are - cool:)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Fairly realistic landscape using Blender 3D
For those who don't know - Blender is a free - very powerful - 3D photo-realistic, animation and gaming system.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Piston animation using 3DS MAX
This animation uses an Inverse Kinematics solver (bones) to solve the movements of the various parts. The parts are: 1. Piston, 2. Connecting rod, 3. Crankshaft.
Because the parts are all connected via a bones system, rotating the crankshaft moves all the other parts.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'd like to share this gem with you
I hope that your stomach is up to the task.
Sorry that I haven't been around to your blogs, but times are rough at the moment, and I just can't seem to get the time that I need to speak to you all as much as I'd like to.
This joke was sent to me by a friend of mine that resides in a residential area reasonably close to mine. He lost his wife to the big C a few years ago and we've kept in touch, thanks to email.
This joke relates well to both my wife and myself who have had similar experiences with elderly people in the nursing homes that we both work in.
I have a few stories to tell about some of our more notable elderly people that we look after - especially a young lady at the age of - believe it not - 109 (110 in August) who's name I cannot mention due to privacy matters, who manage to have an outstanding sense of humour even at that age and deserve every accolade that we can bestow.
Anyway, here's the joke:
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. The timing is just right, and he looks forwrd to a rest stop where he can get something to drink.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the sweet old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?". She answers, "We can't chew them be cause we've no teeth".
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate coating, but it's such a waste to just throw away the peanuts - isn't it?"
Terry
Monday, May 12, 2008
Anyone for toast?
Hmmm, maybe I should have drawn a coffee pot instead of a teapot!! Anyway, perhaps you prefer your appliances to be shiny white, so try this one on.....
